The Unteachables Podcast

#102: How to make this year more positive for ‘that’ student (and of course, for you)

• Claire English • Season 6 • Episode 102

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Do you have a student who feels impossible to reach? You're not alone. As the summer holidays wind down, you might find yourself thinking about that student. They’re the one you’ve struggled with before, or the one whose reputation precedes them. It’s tough, and it’s okay to admit that. The good news is that you have the power to press the reset button and make this year better for them and for you.

In this episode, I’m sharing practical strategies to help you break the cycle of negativity and start fresh. Whether you’re reflecting on last year or preparing for what’s ahead, this episode focuses on shifting your mindset, building bridges, and creating a plan for success.

If you’re part of The Behaviour Club, be sure to check out this month’s training, Pressing Reset. It takes a deeper dive into this topic and provides a step-by-step plan to transform your approach.

IN THIS EPISODE, I DISCUSS:

  • Reframing your mindset: How separating the child from their behaviours can shift your perspective and open the door to connection.
  • The power of a reset chat: Why starting the year with an open and collaborative conversation can plant the seeds for change.
  • Building trust through small actions: How investing in their emotional piggy bank and catching the positive can transform your relationship over time.
  • Practical strategies you can implement today to prepare for a better year with that tough-to-teach student.

Behaviour change takes time, but every small step you take creates a ripple effect. Focus on what you can control, and you’ll be amazed at what’s possible!

Have a question, comment, or just want to say hello? Drop us a text!

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Speaker 1:

Oh, hi there. Teachers, welcome to the Unteachables podcast. I'm your host, claire English, and I am just a fellow teacher, a toddler mama and a big old behavior nerd on a mission to demystify and simplify that little thing called classroom management. The way we've all been taught to manage behavior and classroom manage has left us playing crowd control, which is not something I subscribe to, because we're not dancers, we're teachers. So listen in as I walk you through the game, changing strategies and I mean the things that we can actually do and action in our classrooms that will allow you to lean into your beautiful values as a compassionate educator and feel empowered to run your room with a little more calm and, dare I say it, a lot less chaos. I will see you in the episode. Welcome back to the Unteachables podcast.

Speaker 1:

Wonderful teachers, I'm Claire, I'm your host, and this episode today is for those of you specifically who are sitting there in the summer holidays trying to have a good old time. But from time to time in your mind something pops up, because on the pages of your class list for 2025, you have the name of a student, or maybe multiple students. You might've taught them before you know. They might just be the name on everybody's lips in the meetings or at the staff room table. Either way, you know this student is a tough egg to crack and this is a no shame space for feeling this way If you're feeling a bit of dread and looking at a certain name on a page because teaching is frigging tough and it's made far tougher when we have students in our class that are tougher to teach and tougher to reach and you feel like they're actively working against what we're trying to do in the classroom. But let's talk about the reality for a second, which is these students are going to be in your class. You can't change that. You can't will it away. You will need to work with them. So this episode is all about how you can either press that reset button with students who you've previously struggled with in the past to make it a far better year with them, or simply just make it a better year in general with students who have struggled in the past with other teachers in that subject and you really just want them to have a fresh start and you want to be able to have a really great year and you just want to teach them, you want to reach them, you want to make sure that in your class, things are different. So that is what this episode is going to be about. Before we do go into the episode, though, if you're a behavior clubber, you can just press pause on this and go and watch the full training on this topic from this month. What it does is it digs into this topic in more depth, but it also gives you the resources and the action plan that you need. If you're not a behavior clubber, stay with me, because you're going to still get a bunch of value from this episode. You're still with me. Great. Here are three things that you can do to help have a fresh start with this student. The first thing is getting your mindset straight.

Speaker 1:

I remember being maybe around my third year of teaching, and I got my class list for the year and I saw that I had this student that I had taught before, and immediately my brain went to a very bad, very dark place. He's unteachable. I can't connect with him. Why should I have him in my class? Well, it's me. I deserve a break. Somebody else should have him. He doesn't give a crap about his learning. I don't want to teach him. I don't want to do this year, so I just went to a really bad place. I even texted my teacher friend guess who I have in my year nine class again this year like just really, really negative.

Speaker 1:

And the fact that we're already thinking this about that student is going to be impacting our ability to have a good year with them. We're already shutting ourselves off to the idea that things can be different. We're creating a narrative because the year hasn't happened yet. What we're doing is we're projecting into the year ahead and we're creating a narrative around what the year is going to be like and we get caught in this vicious cycle where things just continue to escalate and escalate, and escalate. And if we want to break this cycle, it really needs to start with how we think and how we feel, and one strategy to do this is to separate that child from their behaviors. There are a bunch of strategies that I do go through, especially in that training, but the one strategy that I do teach is to separate that child from their behaviors, because as humans, we aren't our behaviors and thank God for that, because if I was still labeled as the behaviors that I've exhibited in my life, I wouldn't have gotten very far. You know, like being able to break through that and being seen as more, or embodying something more, and knowing that you're more than your behaviors is so important.

Speaker 1:

So, yes, that student that we're talking about here, they might exhibit rude behaviors, but what we need to remember is they, as a human, are aren't rude, so we're not defining them as rude. We're saying, yes, their behaviors are rude, yes, their behaviors are challenging, but they're not rude inherently as a human being. They might display disrespectful behaviors, but they are not innately disrespectful. My gosh, there have been times in my life where I have displayed some disrespectful behaviors and I've displayed some behaviors that are rude. I've displayed some behaviors that are really, really challenging, but I am not a rude person. I am not a disrespectful person. I've displayed some behaviors that are really, really challenging, but I am not a rude person. I am not a disrespectful person. I was just a person at the time who was going through some really tough stuff and I was acting out or I was communicating or you know all of those things, but it didn't make me disrespectful inherently as a human being. Thank God for that. It doesn't define them.

Speaker 1:

You know, instead of saying that student doesn't care, you can reframe that their behaviors are suggesting that they don't care at the moment, but what's going on? So it's about getting rid of the labels, getting rid of the assumptions, and when we do this we start to really break the barrier because we see behaviors as a separate thing from the child. And this also works really well with the people in our lives. It really does help. And once we start to work on that mindset and see them more as their, more than their behaviors, then we can start to do the other work that we need to do, because the mindset's the first thing and then everything flows on from that. So, step one get your mindset straight. Your student, that student in front of you, is not their behaviors. Their behaviors are separate from them. They are a human being that does have other traits and they do exhibit other behaviors and all the rest of it. So once we do that, once we work on our mindset, the second thing is to have a reset chat.

Speaker 1:

Ideally, this chat will happen right at the start of the year, before you've got into a lesson with them. So you sit down and you have an intentional, real and human chat to plant the seed that things are going to be different with them. It's just to communicate to them, like I'm really trying here. So it has to be in a neutral environment, somewhere that's not in the classroom. It's not like facing each other. You know, teacher chair and student chair. It's not that power dynamic. It's a neutral environment, maybe going for a walk out in the playground, on the on the over, wherever you are, before the first lesson, if possible, as I said, all ego aside. So it needs to be vulnerable, it needs to be real. It's not you just putting an act on as a teacher to try to get things to change. You need to have your thinking brain switched on. So it's really important to go into this chat when you're really regulated and ready and all judgment aside. So all those things we just spoke about their behaviors, all of that judgment aside, just looking at this student, you're a human being, I'm a human being. Let's talk about the year ahead.

Speaker 1:

This is how the chat can be structured. You can do this chat in whatever way you want, but it needs to hit these kind of three criteria for being a really great reset chat. The first thing is acknowledging the past. You can open up the chat with look, I know last year wasn't easy for either of us. It was pretty tough, wasn't it? The second thing is expressing your intention. I'm here having a chat with you because I want to have a fresh start. I want to make this year different with you. I want to make sure that when we go into that classroom, day one, that you feel like you're capable and ready to learn, and I'm not going to be a barrier to that, or there's no barriers to that. I want it to be the best year it possibly can be.

Speaker 1:

And then the third thing is making a collaborative plan. So what's one thing I can do differently this year to make change, like to make things different, to make it a better year? What's one thing you can do differently? Let's really commit to this, let's hold each other accountable for this, like I really want to make this work with you. So the reset chat acknowledging the past, expressing your intentions and making a plan forward.

Speaker 1:

And then, when that student gets to the lesson, that first lesson, really intentionally give them a nice non-verbal hey, how are you going? What was the plan? You know, I'm so excited to see you here, really warmly welcoming them in. So that reset chat wasn't just a chat that happened outside of the lesson. You're really bringing that into the context of the classroom. And the third thing be really, really intentional at growing that seed throughout the year by investing in their emotional piggy bank, at growing that seed throughout the year by investing in their emotional piggy bank. That student is not going to behave any differently for you if they think that you still see them in a negative light or if you still represent to them the subject or the previous teachers or other adults in their life who have seen them in a certain way.

Speaker 1:

And this is where the emotional piggy bank comes in, because that reset chat, all well and good, but they're probably going to be dubious, by the way, if that reset chat happens and they don't give a crap if they're like, oh, whatever, miss, whatever, whatever, whatever or whatever they call, you don't worry, because just the acts of that, that purpose of the reset chat, is planting a seed that things can be different. It's to put a line in the sand and say, hey, this is my intention for the year ahead. If they're not coming on board with that, if you don't feel like it's going to work because they don't have buy-in to the conversation, that's okay as well. You might not get. You can offer all of the. You know the potential for rapport and all the rest of it, but they don't have to accept that that they're in person as well. That's why it's really important for this third step to happen, which is being really intentional at growing that seed that you planted in the reset chat throughout the year by investing in their emotional piggy bank. You're watering that seed every single day.

Speaker 1:

So one strategy that I do use in order to really intentionally invest in the emotional piggy bank every single day is called catching the positive. So it's a strategy that I use to break the cycle and just make a really strong commitment to connection. It's just about going out of your way to catch the positive, and it could be anything. The point is to just show that student that you are seeing them for more than their behaviors. You said that in the reset chat. In the reset chat you're like you know what Last year was tough. I really am committed to making a fresh start here. I want to see you as more than your behaviors. I want to make sure that when you walk into my classroom, I am seeing the good that we can have here and all the wonderful things that you can achieve. You need to commit to that and that's why it's really important to invest in that emotional piggy bank and catch the positive. It could be anything. It might be hard to catch the positive. There might not be a lot of things to catch in the beginning. It's your job to find them in whatever place, in whatever space you can.

Speaker 1:

So it could be like, oh, like, even from the little bit of work you did today, like I, I can see how well you can do Like that's wonderful. That one sentence, my gosh. Like I didn't realize we didn't like you really trying this year, because I didn't see that work from you last year. You know I saw how kind you were today when this thing happened. Your handwriting, oh wow, like James, your handwriting is lovely. I haven't seen that before. I didn't seen that before. I didn't notice that before. You know you were really trying to ignore distractions today. Well done. Like we had a few slip ups, but I could really see the effort that you're putting in. Today it could be like oh, I heard that really interesting idea that you came up with. It wasn't even really related to what we're talking about, but it was super interesting and I want to hear more about that. Or thank you for coming into class today. Today it's so nice to see you here.

Speaker 1:

The point is not to keep the expectations for that student. Low expectation setting and keeping high expectations. That's separate. This catching the positive is all about making very intentional, you know um consistent investments in that relationship, in that in their emotional piggy bank, because if you don't have anything deposited in that piggy bank, there's nothing to withdraw. And if we want to be able to have buy-in with a classroom management approach where we're setting these expectations and having these chats with students and reinforcing the expectations, you can't do that with buy-in if you don't have anything deposited into their emotional piggy bank Because they're to say, well, who are you, you don't care like, why should I listen to you? That investment is such a crucial part of your classroom management approach. So just to recap, you've got a student on your list to teach next year. They are tough.

Speaker 1:

You can do three things to help that student have a fresh start, have a better year and give yourself the best chance of gaining buy-in, building rapport and teaching that hard to reach and teach student and just teaching the rest of the class and having a better year with it. The first thing, getting our mindset straight, separating the human from the behavior. Start with one positive thought with them. The second thing is plant that seed that things are going to be different through that reset chat, really focusing on you know, acknowledging the past, expressing your intentions and making a collaborative plan with the student. And the third thing is watering that seed that you've planted through an ongoing commitment to investing in their emotional piggy bank, catching those positives as much as possible. And finally, please, please remember behavior change does not happen overnight, but every small action you take it adds up to something huge. So just start with one positive thought, one moment of connection and one step to changing the narrative with this student. You will be amazed just how much can change, just how much can happen when we control what we can control, because we can't control their behavior. We can't control what the classroom when it comes to the student, we can only control what we do, how we respond, how we set up the space. So we can control a hell of a lot, but we can't control the behaviors of the people in front of us, as I did mention earlier.

Speaker 1:

If you want to go deeper on that topic, you can do so in this month's behavior club training. It's called pressing reset, giving that student and yourself a better year ahead. This session guides you through reflecting on your past challenges with that student. You explore some practical tools for rebuilding trust and rapport, and I support you to create a really actionable plan to press that reset button so you can go back to school feeling so much more calm, so much more in control and just ready for whatever this year is going to throw at you. And remember, the Behaviour Club is there whenever you're ready to take that step and get the support and the community and the resources and me as your mentor whenever you want to get all of that stuff.

Speaker 1:

It really is a level of support that got me to where I am today and I wanted to replicate that in the best way. I knew how, and that is what the behavior club is, and it is only getting better. You can head to the dash on teachablescom forward, slash TBC to join me. I am so excited to work with you in 2025, or you can just keep hanging out with me here, which I freaking love and appreciate so much. Until next time, have a fabulous week and remember the one thing I'm going to be saying a lot in 2025, which is, classroom management should not feel like crowd control, and if it does, you need to do something different, and I am here to make that different happen. Bye for now, wonderful teachers.

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Claire English

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