The Unteachables Podcast

#130: Dealing with defiance? You don't need to say a word - you just need these 3 game-changing non-verbal strategies!

• Claire English • Season 6 • Episode 130

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When talking more makes things worse… try this.

Ever felt like the more you say, the more defiant your students become?
Yeah. Been there.

This episode is all about the subtle magic of nonverbal strategies — those tiny, calm, game-changing tools that help you shift students out of defiance and into direction without saying a word.

Whether you're dealing with low-level defiance, overwhelm, shutdowns or full-blown phone battles, this is your gentle reminder that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say nothing at all.

Instead, I'm walking you through 3 of my favourite nonverbal classroom tools:
 ✅ Choice Cards
 ✅ Post-it Prompts
 ✅ Movement Tasks

Each one is designed to help you preserve your calm, keep your credibility intact, and create safety — for your nervous system and theirs.

These tools are gold. They’ve saved my sanity. And I want them to do the same for you.

What You’ll Learn:

  • Why “shutting your mouth” can sometimes be the best classroom strategy
  • How to give students ownership without surrendering the boundary
  • The psychological reason these tools reduce defiance (spoiler: it’s about safety)
  • Exactly what to write on post-it notes to de-escalate without saying a word
  • How a simple movement prompt can act as a nervous system reset
  • What to do when you want to build rapport without people-pleasing

Resources Mentioned:

Have a question, comment, or just want to say hello? Drop us a text!

RESOURCES AND MORE SUPPORT:

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Claire English:

Oh, hi there, teachers, welcome to the Unteachables podcast. I'm your host, claire English, and I am just a fellow teacher, a toddler mama and a big old behavior nerd on a mission to demystify and simplify that little thing called classroom management. The way we've all been taught to manage behavior and classroom manage has left us playing crowd control, which is not something I subscribe to, because we're not dancers, we're teachers. So listen in as I walk you through the game, changing strategies and I mean the things that we can actually do and action in our classrooms that will allow you to lean into your beautiful values as a compassionate educator and feel empowered to run your room with a little more calm and, dare I say it, a lot less chaos. I will see you in the episode. Hello, welcome back to the Unteachables podcast. Thank you for joining me here again. If you are a long-term listener, if you're a newbie, then hello, I'm Claire, lovely to have you here. Make sure you're following along so you get all the episodes. Or, better yet, go back in the vault and find some episodes that are going to help you with whatever challenge you're specifically dealing with, because we've got over a hundred episodes and there is so much goodness there for you to go back and listen to.

Claire English:

Today's episode, I will be talking about three classroom management strategies that are just brilliant for calmly shifting students from defiance to direction. Remember, this month I'm focusing on defiance inside of the behavior club, so I thought I'd bring you some really great tidbits here to be able to immediately apply in the classroom and to make things a lot easier when it comes to these nonverbal tools. They really are game changing, because I used to think that I had to say something all of the time. Every single time a student refused an instruction or wasn't doing their work or, you know, did anything else that was defiant in nature, I felt like I needed to say something, I needed to respond, I needed to stand there, I needed to talk to them about it, I needed to pause the lesson and do all of these things just to be able to address that behavior. And I thought that if I didn't do that, I was not a strict enough teacher, a strong enough teacher. I thought that I was weak. I didn't think that the students would take me seriously, but, shockingly, that stuff didn't help.

Claire English:

I realized that the best thing that I could do in some moments of defiance or moments where it doesn't have to be defiance, it can just be if a student's not getting on with the work or not doing what I've asked. The best thing that I could do sometimes, I realized, was just shut my mouth and I really mean that I'm not trying to be, you know, like funny or silly, like I really just needed to shut my mouth. I've had so much more success with these three nonverbal tools than any redirection that I have tried to give a student, delivered with frustration. I have had so much more success. So if I was ever feeling like, oh my gosh, I just need to get through the lesson and they won't stop talking, or they're on their phone or, you know like, they're not getting started with their work, these three strategies have been life-giving as a teacher, so I will go into them now. These might be things, by the way, you already use in the classroom and that's fantastic, or you've used before, you're familiar with. Uh, just treat this episode like a good reminder to be using them more often, because these are the kind of things that sometimes we can get really um, really into, and then it ends up being a strategy that's kind of like just put to the side and we don't use it as much. But please, this week, if you hear these strategies and you're like, okay, really need to give these a go, go and use them immediately so they become a part of your practice.

Claire English:

Okay, the first thing are choice cards. Just say that you've got a student and they're incredibly dysregulated and their behaviors are defiant. It can be so helpful to turn down the volume on what we're saying and provide options that are nonverbal, that they can see, that they can point to and they can take ownership of. These choice cards reduce power struggles, they are dignity preserving, they promote autonomy, and all of these things are happening while you're keeping your calm credibility intact. When they choose one of these choices, it's almost like a non-verbal contract between you and the student and you've automatically shifted that no into a yes just by them giving that tick.

Claire English:

So, for example, a student is struggling to get started and you have a choice card ready to go that you have for those specific moments with some options. You can have choice cards for everything Like. If you want to have blank choice cards, you can write three things on in the moment. That's fine, I have choice cards for everything Like. If you want to have blank choice cards. You can write three things on in the moment. That's fine. I have choice cards for things like students being on their phones, a choice card for what I'm about to talk to you about now, which is when students are struggling to get started. I have choice cards when students are feeling dysregulated and I can see their behaviors bubbling up, and they're just choices for a break.

Claire English:

There are choice cards you can create for any situation, or you can just create them on the fly by scribbling on a piece of paper. So the choice card that I would use in this situation, if a student is struggling to get started with their work, I would have some choices. So the title would be I will start by choices underneath that underline tricky words, writing one sentence, brainstorming ideas, asking for help. So there's four choices there that students can choose from to get started and that will just help them to gain some momentum. Obviously, that's not going to be appropriate for every single class, for every single context, so you might create a choice card for different age groups that are based on your subject. That are more natural ways of starting a task for yourself. If you're in the behavior club, by the way, I have some pre-made ones of these and a template that you can use to make your own in this month's resource bundle for dealing with defiance. So I just wanted to make that clear. So if you are in the behavior club and you're listening to this, I don't want you to be really excited and go out and make choice cards when there are some there for you already ready to go. Okay.

Claire English:

The second thing, the second nonverbal tool that I absolutely love to use in these moments when students are overwhelmed or defiant or frozen or their nervous system you know, I know it's going to interpret any kind of verbal instructions as like a bit of a threat, especially if it's in front of their peers. I love using post-it notes. That bypasses that reaction. It bypasses that idea that I'm publicly shaming them by giving them certain instructions, because it's private, it's non-threatening, it's just neutral. I just love using post-it notes to create little prompts. So, for example, if a student is on their phone, I might just drop a little post-it note on their desk saying bag or my desk, your call, and then just walk away. So I'm not stuck in a you know, head to head with them. I'm not stuck there trying to hold my hand out and get them to put the phone in my hand and you know, standing over them and I'm caught in this back and front. I'm not giving you my phone, give me your phone, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not stuck in that, I'm just giving them a really clear instruction, non-verbally, and then I'm walking away and then I can continue teaching the lesson.

Claire English:

Some other examples of things that you can write are things like you know. Start with question one. If they are sitting there looking around and they're not doing their work, you might write down regulate, then rejoin. If someone's really struggling and you can see that they're having a hard time, their head's in their hands and they don't know how to start their work. Another one maybe time for a break or circle the ones you can do, or circle the ones you can't do. Break or circle the ones you can do or circle the ones you can't do. One question equals win. Just start with a name and date. One sentence then break. You can say want help, space or a break. You can say what's tricky, write it or circle it. You can just write down can I help? And maybe they'll, you know, get you to help them. Phone away, thank you. As I said, bag on my desk your call, probably the one that I do the most. I'll check back in in one minute or back on track. Thank you, you can just do this.

Claire English:

Obviously endless the amount of things that you can write on here, but just really short. You don't want it to be too long, because then you're spending a lot of time writing it as well. You want it to be short, sharp, to the point, something that's very, very clear, very concise and very obvious. That that's what you're asking them to do. So use a post-it note, grab them out, have them on your desk, get them ready to go and just try one or two a lesson and just see how it can help to redirect students who are exhibiting challenging behaviors or struggling a little bit. And then, um, yeah, let me know how you go with that one.

Claire English:

The third one that I absolutely love is just giving them a bit of a task, giving them some movement options. So when students are, you know, defiant or the disengaged, or you can see them spiraling towards a bit of a shutdown mode, their nervous system often needs one thing, which is a bit of a pattern interrupt. When you do a pattern interrupt, you're helping to re-engage their prefrontal cortex. You're stopping that. I don't know if you've ever felt that way either, but you know, sometimes you just need something to distract your mind, to do something different, to get up and move. I do it all the time at my desk when I'm feeling a little bit stressed about something. That's where movement can come in, something that's purposeful, low stakes, just a release valve for built-up energy or emotion. It's a circuit breaker for that fight, flat or freeze mode. It's a way for students to comply without losing face. It's a chance for them to feel trusted and not punished if they're doing something you're not happy with. It's just a redirection.

Claire English:

Without calling it a redirection, a few examples of calming movement prompts are things like hey, can you take this to the office for me? Can you deliver this note to sir next door? Can you please take this back to the library? Can you fix that stack of papers for me? Can you write today's date on the board? Can you plug the laptops in the laptop trolley? Do you mind handing out the folders? Do you mind collecting the pencils? How about you grab a quick drink and come straight back? Quick walk to the bin and back. Or quick walk to the bubblers and back. I only just realized that the rest of the world probably doesn't say bubblers when I was listening to a podcast. Bubblers are water phantoms. Does any other country call them bubblers? Pop into the hall and have a 30 second breather and I'll meet you there. Just anything.

Claire English:

Where they're getting up and moving and you're tasking them with something that's really low stakes and something that's not like a punishment. You're not saying, hey, go down to the principal's office. You're saying, hey, can you just plug the laptops in? So, for example, right, if a student is getting upset about the work and they're saying they don't want to do it, this work is dead, this work is crap, I'm not doing it. I'll say, okay, james, listen, how about you hand the folders out and then we can talk about the work after? Or how about you? I've got a task that I really need done. How about we give you a break from the work? I can hear that it's really frustrating for you. How about you take these books down to the library, come back up and then we can maybe think about what we can do next, because I can see that you're really frustrated by something and we can talk about it after. Okay.

Claire English:

I find it really helpful just to create that break for the students that they need. You're preserving all of these strategies, by the way, are just rapport preserving. What I find really difficult is, you know, when people talk about building the relationship. But the advice build the relationship. It's so hard for us to do because the students who they're talking about when it comes to like the biggest behaviors, building a relationship with them can be quite challenging because we're constantly having to withdraw from their emotional piggy bank, because we're having to address more of their behaviors, we're having to talk to them about more things and it's more of a negative kind of interaction we're having with them. So the more that we can replace those negative ways that we're interacting with them about their behaviors, of course we need to talk to them about their behaviors, but if we can do that in a way that is preserving the relationship and not withdrawing from their emotional piggy banks, we are just we're winning If you can do that and do even like one swap a day where, instead of going James off your phone right now, come on back to the big group, instead of doing that, you can just put a little post-it note on his desk and say, you know bag, or my desk, or you know, whatever it might be, it's just so helpful to be able to preserve the relationship, preserve the rapport, and then you can just start to balance that with investments into their emotional piggy bank.

Claire English:

So maybe one day James gets a nice note on his desk saying great work, or you know, thank you for coming in today, or it's really nice to see you. Are you okay, like you know, just to kind of balance those things out so we are actually able to build the relationship with the most complex and vulnerable students and the students who do display the biggest and most difficult behaviors, because we have strategies to be able to withdraw from their piggy bank. Because that's what's happening when we're addressing their behaviours, but doing so in a way that's not putting us 10 steps back. It's actually either keeping us stationary or because it's really a neutral response to their behaviour, or it's actually moving us forward and creating opportunities for those discussions. So just to wrap up, just your gentle reminder sometimes the most powerful thing, when a student is stuck in defiance or isn't ready to talk or all of those things, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is just to talk less, you know, to give them a way out, without making it a power struggle to meet their needs, without letting go of that boundary, because you're not go of the boundary.

Claire English:

It's not a weak response, it's not a soft response. It is strong, it is boundaried, it is strategic. So, whether it's a choice card, they can point to a post-it note that lets them save face, or a quick movement prompt that helps reset their nervous system. These tiny tools can make a huge difference and, honestly, that's what's going to help you stay calm too, because you're not winging it. You're leading with clarity and confidence and compassion, even when things get hard. If you're inside the behavior club, remember that your resource bundle this month includes pre-made choice cards and editable templates, so you can just crack on without having to do it yourself. And if you're not in yet, don't worry, the doors are reopening soon and I would love to support you inside. But until then, pick one of these strategies, try it this week and just yeah, just see how awesome it can be to not have to worry about using your voice and getting caught in those head-to-head battles. Okay, lovely teachers, have a great day and I will see you next time.

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Claire English

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